It was all looking so good. The Giants were cruising toward a shut-out series against the Dodgers. They were breaking all sorts of start-of-the-season records. And then tonight happened. Here’s your 100-words or less game report:

Imagine we live in a parallel universe where ball games are won by the team with the most runners left on base and the most errors. In that world, the Giants kicked the Dodger’s baseball-panted butts tonight. They out-hit their nemeses 9 to 4, and won the errors count 3 to 0. Sadly, they didn’t actually get any runs, and the Dodgers scored five, so they lost the game. However, in a positive cut and paste from last night’s report, the bullpen didn’t suck and didn’t give up any runs. And Derek Holland’s pitching was better than the score suggests.

Final score: Giants 0, Dodgers 5.